Understanding Your Feelings of Loss When Your Animal Dies
April 2005; reprinted April 2006
The bond that we form with animals is unique. The loss of an animal
can have an impact on you that is as great or even greater than the
loss of a family member or friend. This bond is what makes our
interactions with animals rich and rewarding, but also what makes the
grief process so complicated.
After your animal has died or been lost, it is natural and normal to
feel grief and sorrow. Although grief is an internal and private
response, there are certain stages of grief that most people
experience. By understanding the process, you will be better prepared
to manage your grief and to help other family members and friends who
share your sense of loss.
The stages of grief
There are many stages of grief, but not everyone experiences them all
or in the same order. You may experience denial, anger, guilt,
depression, acceptance, and resolution.
Your first reaction may be denial—denial that the
animal has died or that death is imminent. Denial may begin when you
first learn the seriousness of your animal's illness or injuries.
Often, the more sudden the death, the more difficult the loss is to
accept.
Anger and guilt often follow denial. Your anger may
be directed toward people you normally love and respect, including your
family and your veterinarian. People coping with death will often say
things that they do not really mean, perhaps hurting those whom they do
not mean to hurt. You may feel guilty or blame others for not
recognizing the illness earlier, for not doing something sooner, for
not being able to afford other types of or further treatment, or for
being careless and allowing the animal to be injured.
Depression is also part of the range of emotions
experienced after the death of a special animal. The tears flow, there
are knots in your stomach, and you feel drained of all your energy.
Day-to-day tasks can seem impossible to perform. Sometimes you may even
ask yourself if you can go on without the animal. The answer is yes,
but there are times when special assistance may be helpful in dealing
with your loss.
Eventually, you will come to terms with your feelings. You can begin to resolve and accept
your animal's death. Even when you have reached resolution and
acceptance, feelings of anger, denial, guilt, and depression may
reappear. If this does happen, these feelings will usually be less
intense, and with time will be replaced with fond memories.
Although the stages of grief apply fairly universally, grieving is
always a personal process. Some people take longer than others to come
to terms with denial, anger, guilt, and depression, and each loss is
different. If you understand that these are normal reactions, you will
be better prepared to cope with your feelings and to help others face
theirs. Family and friends should be reassured that sorrow and grief
are normal and natural responses to death.
They may not understand
Sometimes well-meaning family and friends may not realize how important
your animal was to you or the intensity of your grief. Comments they
make may seem cruel and uncaring. Be honest with yourself and others
about how you feel. If despair mounts, talk to someone who will listen
to your feelings about the loss of your animal. Talk about your sorrow,
but also about the fun times you and the animal spent together, the
activities you enjoyed, and the memories that are meaningful.
The hurt is so deep
If you or a family member have great difficulty in accepting your
animal's death and cannot resolve feelings of grief and sorrow, you may
want to discuss these feelings with a person who is trained to
understand the grieving process. Your veterinarian certainly
understands the relationship you have lost and may be able to suggest
support groups and hot lines, grief counselors, clergymen, social
workers, physicians, or psychologists who can help.
Should I get another animal?
The death of an animal can upset you emotionally, especially when
euthanasia is involved. Some people may feel they would never want
another animal. For others, a new animal may help them recover from
their loss more quickly. Just as grief is a personal experience, the
decision of when, if ever, to bring a new animal into your life is a
personal one. If a family member is having difficulty accepting the
animal's death, getting a new animal before that person has resolved
his or her grief may imply that the life of the deceased animal was
unworthy of the grief that is still being felt. Family members should
agree on the appropriate time to acquire a new animal. Although you can
never replace the animal you lost, you can obtain another to share your
life.
Remembering your animal
The period from birth to old age is much shorter for most domestic
animals than for people. Death is part of the lifecycle. It cannot be
avoided, but understanding and compassion can help you, your family,
and your friends manage the grief associated with it. Try to recall and
treasure the good times you spent with your animal. You may also wish
to establish a memorial of some type or contribute to a charity in
honor of your animal.
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This information has been prepared as a service by the American Veterinary Medical Association.
Article Source: http://www.mydogplace.com/dog-content/dog-health-series/when-your-dog-dies-article.html
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